Recently... I took a really big step. I deleted every person that connected me to his life. It was something I had to do. I thought I could keep them as common friends. But honestly... every time I talked to them... I thought of him. I think I was holding off on that because I did make personal relationships with them. But every time he commented on one of their posts or something... I saw it. So I blocked him too.
And it's not like I want him back. I think it was about the feeling of a relationship. Once you are in love with someone... there is a hole where you know what it feels like. It is having something really precious given to you and then taken away. It is teasing.
And now I find myself in my room. And I think back to less than a year ago. I think of certain memories like sitting in church waiting for choir rehearsal or sitting on the couch playing with my niece or nephew or his nephew. I have these memories that are great. And then no bad memories of him. The breakup was so out of the blue that nothing ruins it for me except what he told me when breaking up.
They say time eases it... but it seems to intensify for me right now. I can't wait to get that part of my heart back even though it will have his name stomped into it.