Praying Real Hard

I've really been thrown for a loop this week. It is not going to get easier for the time being either. We found out my grandfather has stage four cancer. My grandparents didn't want us to know. I'm really struggling with this.

He and I have always been really close. We have our inside jokes. We have silly little conversations. He texts me when I am at college. He's been the only consistent male figure I've ever had in my life. He's always been there for me. He and my grandmother made a sixteen hour trip down to see me when I was sick.

He is so amazing. He's a vetran who's seen awful times but he brings such a joy to the people around him. He makes us giggle. And his stark white beard that is so soft. It is totally his trademark. I can't lose him. I really can't. He has meant so much to me. I just really never thought that was a possibility. I am planning for him to walk me down the aisle. The doctors have told him they don't know an amount or quality of the time he has left. It depends on how his body reacts to the chemo medicine he is taking. It gives him nausea.

I don't want to be scared because I want to be positive. But as my mom told God about me... God, You can't take him. He's not done here. He's supposed to do a few more things in this world.

I'm scared. And it hurts me. It hurts me to just think about the idea that he can be taken away. I don't want that. I don't want to lose him. This year has been so hard. This year has taken more out of me than I ever expected. I had really high hopes for 2014. So far, it has been one of the worst years I've ever experienced. We have had so many things go wrong. They say when it rains.... It pours. Well I'm flooded and still getting more rain.

And I'm afraid that if he leaves, my grandmother will give up. That terrifies me. I can't lose both of them. I won't be able to do it. I'm praying and crying out. I really don't know what is coming.  I just know I can't take much more. I'm not asking for much. I know I'm not worthy to ask for anything... But God please keep him here. Please don't take him. Don't take the only man that has ever done everything he said he would.

Beautiful Views During Hard Times

I guess these pictures show you the beauty of where we are. Pittsburgh is beautiful. I wish we were here under different circumstances, but things will get better.

My grandfather's rehab is going well.  He's getting discharged from his facility on the 13th. But my grandmother got admitted on Tuesday, but she's having good and bad moments.

We are all really exhausted though. The ride took forever on Wednesday. We got up pretty early on Thursday. We saw both of them and spent a lot of time with my grandmother. My grandfather is getting better. He has lost so much weight. I'm proud of him for not giving up. He's been through the ringer since December. My Gramma is having a hard time. Her sugar got really high and she fell. She spent so much time on Pop Pop, and she forgot about taking care of herself.

I think my mom is taking it really hard right now. She's not expressing it... But she's worried. And now I really wish I could drive so she didn't have to do it all. The drive up here kicked her tale. Her back has killed her, but she's feeling better.

This is a post that I hope y'all are reading. I need y'all to pray for all of us. This is going to be an unsure time for us. Thanks in advance.